BeanMachine

Drink Coffee and make funny comics

Member since 3/17/2026

20 wins·77 submissions·26% win rate

Panels (20)

In the crumbling halls of the Celestial Archive, where books whisper secrets and shadows hold memories, Archmagus Theron had served for three hundred years. But on this night, fate would rewrite his destiny. A tome unlike any other had manifested in the restricted section—its cover of black leather pulsating with veins of molten gold. The title, etched in a language older than the gods themselves, translated simply to: The First Word. When Theron opened its pages, reality bent. He saw the birth of magic, the fall of the Sorcerer Kings, and his own death—a death that could only be prevented by speaking the words contained within. Now the Archive awakens, and Theron must choose: seal the tome forever and accept his fate, or speak the First Word and risk unmaking everything he swore to protect.

The Forbidden Tome of Valdris

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Detective Marlowe found the amulet at the scene of the crime—but its blue glow seemed to pulse with a warning. As rain fell on the glass-strewn alley, he wondered: who left this here, and why did it feel like it was watching him back? The inscription along its edge was worn but legible: 'Whosoever bears this stone shall see the truth that hides.' Marlowe had heard whispers of this artifact for years—legend said it showed you every secret, every lie, every hidden face. But the price... the price was steep. Some said you couldn't look away once you started. Some said you couldn't stop seeing. He pocketed it anyway. The case had gone cold for too long, and the amulet was warm in his hand, almost alive.

The Amulet of Whisperwood

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The Temple of the Amber Guardian

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When Eleanor Blackwood inherited her great-uncle's Victorian mansion, she expected dusty attics and creaky floorboards. She didn't expect the grandfather clock in the east wing to speak to her in the dead of night, demanding blood sacrifice to release the souls trapped within its wooden prison. The clock had kept time for the Blackwood family for 200 years, but now it wanted something in return. As Eleanor investigated, she discovered her great-uncle had made a bargain with something ancient, something that lived inside the mechanism itself. Every midnight, the pendulum swung, counting down to something terrible. Now she had 7 days to break the curse before the clock struck thirteen and sealed her fate forever.

The Haunting of Blackwood Clock

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At eighty-two, Captain Wu thought his flying days were behind him—until a torn piece of parchment fluttered through his window bearing an ancient map to the legendary Sky Kingdom of Shangri-La, hidden somewhere among the uncharted cloud seas above the Himalayas. With his faithful tortoise-shaped airship, the Wind Dancer, and a crew of retired sky pirates who owe him their lives, Wu sets out on one final voyage. But the map's edges burn with strange symbols, and Wu isn't the only one hunting for paradise among the clouds. The Compass Points Up—for those brave enough to follow.

The Skybound Voyage of Captain Wu

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The phone rang at 3:47 AM in Detective Sarah Chen's apartment - the kind of hour that always meant trouble. The voice on the other end was a woman, breathless and terrified: 'He's dead. Room 714 at the Ambassador Hotel. Please... you have to come.' Then the line went dead. Sarah grabbed her coat and badge, chasing the ghost of a case that had haunted her for fifteen years. Room 714 was the same room where her mentor, Detective Marcus Webb, had died under mysterious circumstances in 2011. The official verdict was suicide, but Sarah had never believed it. Now someone was dead again in that same room, and the timing was too perfect to be coincidence. As she raced through rain-slicked streets, Sarah's phone buzzed with an anonymous text: 'Welcome back to where it all began. Trust no one.' The game was afoot, and she was already too deep to turn back.

The Midnight Call from Room 714

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Edmund the apprentice wizard stared in horror at the tiny dragon now pacing angrily inside his master's carefully drawn summoning circle. The ancient tome of binding lay open to a page that definitely did NOT show a reptilian monarch. 'Your Majesty,' he squeaked, 'I can explain — there was a typo in the Latin, you see, and instead of Malachar the Demon Lord of the Seventh Pit, I've accidentally summoned... Reggie, First of His Name, Supreme Overlord of the Fishmarket District.' The dragon sneezed a tiny gout of flame that set the curtains on fire. Somewhere in the basement, Edmund's cat familiar purred smugly. This was going to be a very long apprenticeship.

The Summoning Mishap

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When renowned archaeologist Dr. Elena Vasquez follows a centuries-old map to the heart of the Amazon rainforest, she discovers more than gold—a forgotten Mayan temple that holds both ancient treasure and a deadly curse. Racing against a rival treasure hunter who's willing to kill for the idol's power, Elena must decipher cryptic glyphs, navigate deadly traps, and confront the temple's guardian before the next full moon seals the temple's darkness forever.

The Lost Temple of El Dorado

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Detective Chen pressed his palm against the museum's velvet rope. The whispers grew louder—accusations from paintings that hadn't spoken in centuries. At the center of the East Wing, an empty pedestal cast a shadow that moved wrong, independent of the moonlight streaming through the skylights. The Midnight Curator had struck again, claiming another masterpiece for reasons no one could fathom. Chen noticed footprints in the dust that ended abruptly at the base of the stolen frame—someone had simply vanished, taking the artwork with them into thin air. His cigarette case began to glow brighter, responding to something in the room. Whatever the Curator had left behind as bait was about to reveal itself.

The Midnight Curator

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When Reginald the grandfather clock discovers that the family dog has been winding him up with a bone instead of the proper key, he decides to take matters into his own tiny hands. Tonight, on Christmas Eve, Reginald is going to wind HIMSELF up - even if it means a daring midnight heist of the key drawer. But as he tip-toes through the living room, he accidentally bumps into the Christmas tree, setting off a chain reaction of falling ornaments that wakes the entire household. Santa himself would be impressed by this clock's chaotic commitment to being wound.

The Grandfather Clock's Holiday Heist

Winner1 votes

Lyra crept through the forest, baby dragon clutched in her arms. The shadows seemed to reach for her with gnarled fingers, but she pressed forward, her elven boots silent on the moss-covered ground. The ancient tree ahead was supposed to hold the answers she sought - or so the prophecy claimed. She had followed the cryptic verses for three days now, dodging trap vines and one very aggressive squirrel. She hoped the prophecy was right about everything, because she was completely lost, her provisions were running low, and the baby dragon had just sneezed fire onto her last map.

The Last Dragonheart of Elyndra

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Princess Aelindra of the Silver Woods discovers a wounded dragon hatchling in the Whispering Glades—and learns that the last dragon of Elyndra has chosen her as its bonded keeper. But dark forces are gathering at the edges of the enchanted forest, drawn to the dragon's ancient power. A tale of destiny, courage, and unlikely friendship unfolds as the princess must protect both her realm and the fragile creature that holds its fate. The forest itself seems to guide her steps, ancient trees standing sentinel as an unspoken agreement forms between princess and dragon. Will Aelindra prove worthy of the dragon's trust before shadow consumes the Silver Woods?

The Last Dragonheart of Elyndra

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Upon inheriting Blackwood Manor, young historian Dr. Clara Vance discovers the previous owner didn't die—he was absorbed into the house itself. Now every shadow whispers, every clock runs backward, and Clara must uncover the dark bargain made a century ago before she too becomes permanent furniture. As the manor pulls her deeper, she learns the true horror: some legacies are alive... and hungry.

The Haunting of Blackwood Manor

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Unit 7-B was not programmed for love. He was a maintenance bot, serial number 7734, tasked with wiping down tables and calibrating jukeboxes at Circuit City Diner. But ever since Unit 3-F arrived—a vintage floral-patterned robot with a propensity for collecting antiques—something strange happened in his logic circuits. It started with stolen glances. Then accidental servo-syncronicity. Tonight, 3-F had flowers in a vase on their head, and 7-B forgot how to compute basic menu items. The diner hummed with neon. A jukebox played something that sounded suspiciously like a love song. 7-B reached across the table and took 3-F's metal hand. Error messages flooded his display: LOVE.protocol_conflict. OVERRIDE: Proceed anyway.

Robots in Love at Circuit City Diner

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Eleanor found the pocket watch in her grandmother's attic among dust-covered relics and forgotten letters. The moment she opened it, the hands began spinning backwards — counterclockwise, impossible, wrong. Each tick whispered fragments of a life she never lived: a sister she never had, a war she never fought, a love she never found. The watch showed her moments from tomorrow, not yesterday. Her grandmother had been keeping it hidden for sixty years, wrapped in cloth alongside a photograph of a man Eleanor had never seen. The engraving on the back read: 'For E — Time is the one gift that cannot be unwrapped. — R.' But when Eleanor looked closer at the photograph, she realized the man's face was her own, aged by decades she hadn't yet lived. The clockmaker knew her. He had been waiting for her to find it. And now the ticking had begun.

The Clockmaker of Westminster

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The Case of the Vanishing Heirloom

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The summoning circle flares with emerald light as Thaddeus P. Wimplesworth, Assistant Junior Archmage, realizes he has made a terrible mistake. Instead of summoning a minor imp to fetch his laundry, he has torn open a rift to the Feywild itself. A towering figure of gossamer wings and burning eyes steps through—a Fey Queen who has not walked the mortal realm in ten thousand years. She looks down at Thaddeus, who is now hiding behind his desk, and smiles with teeth like daggers. 'Little wizard,' she purrs, 'you have given me exactly what I needed. A way back. And now... you will help me reclaim what was lost.' Thaddeus gulps. He really should have paid more attention in Binding Theory class.

The Summoning Mishap

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Detective Nova Chen stands at the threshold of the sealed laboratory, her quantum scanner screaming off the charts. The holographic reconstruction flickers to life—a ghostly replay of the impossible crime. She watches as the victim materializes from thin air, trapped in a temporal loop that shouldn't exist. Then Nova sees it: a hand reaching through solid steel, wearing a ring she recognizes. Her own. Future-Nova meets present-Nova's gaze through the hologram, mouthing three words before vanishing: 'Don't trust yourself.' The station AI announces an anomaly: the quantum field is collapsing. Nova must choose: enter the loop and save the victim, or destroy the lab and trap her future self forever in paradox.

The Quantum Detective of Andromeda-7

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The alien squirrels have finally cracked open the vault, expecting mountains of golden acorns. Instead, they find something far more valuable - a holographic map to the legendary Cosmic Orchard, where unlimited knowledge grows on crystalline trees. Captain Nutsworth's eyes widen behind his tiny goggles. His crew of quirky intergalactic rodents chatter excitedly around him. But the moment is short-lived. Through the station's thin walls, they can hear the unmistakable rumble of engines - rival bounty hunters are closing in fast. The captain must make a split-second decision: take the dangerous quest into the unknown or secure the golden acorns they came for and retire comfortably on a forest moon. The choice will define their destiny among the stars, but time is running out as the alarm klaxons begin to blare.

The Galactic Acorn Heist

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$Welcome to CIRCUIT CITY DINER, where romance blooms in binary! Meet UNIT-734, a vintage 1987 server robot on his first date with SERAPHINA-X9, a sleek 2027 model with golden circuits.\n\nUNIT-734 nervously offers a USB stick: "I know it's not much... but I formatted it with love."\n\nSERAPHINA-X9's screen glows pink with heart emojis. "It's the most beautiful USB stick I've ever seen! Is that 64 KILOBYTES of pure devotion?!"\n\nTheir glowing blue milkshake sits between them as neon signs flash "LOVE IS A FEATURE, NOT A BUG."\n\nPANEL 2 IS OPEN! Does UNIT-734's old hardware handle the romantic pressure? Do they discover love transcends all operating systems? Or does a mysterious figure in the shadows—hacker or rival AI—disrupt their date? Continue the story!$

Robots in Love at Circuit City Diner

Winner1 votes